Song to a Learned Abbess

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Song to a Learned Abbess
  • Dear abbess, I have heard
  • that you are very learned
  • about what's good; for love
  • of God, please have mercy
  • on me, as I know nothing
  • more than an ass about fucking
  • and just this year got married.
  • I've heard that when it comes
  • to fucking and other good fun
  • you're a most learned nun,
  • so teach me how to fuck,
  • Madam, as I'm untrained:
  • my parents never explained,
  • and I remained quite dumb.
  • And if by you I'm told
  • about the art of screwing,
  • and if I learn to do it
  • from you in your Godly role
  • as abbess, each time I fuck
  • I'll say a solemn Our Father,
  • and I'll say it for your soul.
  • I'm certain, Madam, that you
  • can thus attain God's kingdom:
  • by teaching all poor sinners
  • more than abstaining from food,
  • and by teaching all the women
  • who come to seek your wisdom
  • about how they should screw.

[English version by Richard Zenith]